Layovers Of The Soul: Dropping My Suffering Baggage

I’ve been having my patience tested lately, but not in the basic, everyday sense. I mean spiritually tested. People say patience is a virtue, and it really is. When my mom passed last year, there was so much waiting. Waiting months to see if she would survive. Waiting weeks for the funeral. Waiting to move out three months later and to hear back from the apartment I applied to. Waiting to find out how long I would be homeless. Waiting to see when they would finally come and repossess her car. Waiting for my inheritance. Long story short, I’ve been living in a perpetual cycle of waiting.

It wasn’t until the last two weeks that I really started to notice what’s happening, and I’m only now beginning to understand it more clearly, especially after yesterday’s full moon.

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I flew to Atlanta for what ended up being a one‑hour photoshoot in a single day. That was not the original plan. I was supposed to stay for the weekend because my acting classes were starting back up. Then I got the email, after I’d already landed, that class was cancelled due to weather.

I sat there in the terminal trying to decide what to do. I realized I could just fly right back home; I was still in the airport. I started looking at flights, then remembered I had a photoshoot that afternoon. So I changed the plan: still go to the Airbnb, rest a bit, eat, get my headshots done, then catch an evening flight back home. That felt satisfying enough. I booked a 5:30 flight. The shoot went great, and I loved my new headshots. I had way more time than expected, so I went back to the Airbnb and relaxed some more. It sounds peaceful, and it was, but the day was still full of little tests.

On my morning flight, there was a medical emergency, and EMTs had to meet our plane at the gate. No one could get off until they were able to help the person who needed it. Later, I realized I’d left one of my phones at the Airbnb and would now have to wait for it to be shipped back to me. On my flight home, just as we were getting ready to take off, someone told the captain they had accidentally packed a lithium battery in their checked bag. We had to taxi back to the gate, and the flight was delayed for almost an hour.

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None of this actually upset me. The only thing that really bothered me, at least a little, was finding out my acting class was cancelled after I’d already spent the money to be in Atlanta for the weekend. But even then, I still got my headshots done. I still had to count the day as an accomplishment.

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As we were waiting for the lithium battery situation to be handled, the captain came out and apologized for the delay, thanking us for our patience. I happened to look up and see a full moon. Suddenly, the entire day felt hilarious to me. An ending of a cycle.

At first I wondered: is this the end of the cycle of waiting?

No. Like the saying goes, patience is a virtue. What’s ending isn’t the waiting, it’s my reaction. The cycle of believing every delay, every obstacle, every mistake is a punishment I deserve. The belief that suffering is my calling card. I’m no longer subscribing to that.

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Not everything needs a dramatic reaction or a deep meaning. Some things are just meant to be. Some delays are just delays. Some detours are just detours.

Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.