When I Retire, I'll Have More Time

My dreams are vivid. So vivid that there are days when I wake up and life doesn’t feel real. I feel disoriented, dissociated, disconnected from myself and the world. This has gotten even stronger since my mom passed, because the only time I get to spend with her now is when I’m asleep. In my dreams, it always feels so real in the moment. Then I wake up and remember that it’s not.

The bright side of such a sad‑sounding story is that, even though it’s been almost a year since she passed, I’ve been able to find my joy again in real life. I’m learning that I can miss her deeply and still create something beautiful with the time I have.

I have vivid dreams when I sleep and when I’m awake. I’ve always been a big dreamer. If you’d asked little me what she wanted to be, she’d say “a doctor,” but she definitely had no idea what kind. Now I know why. The kind of doctor I want to be is one I wasn’t familiar with growing up. It wasn’t until I got older and learned about holistic health and naturopathic medicine that it finally clicked.

Before that came the dream of being an actor. For a long time it felt like such a random choice I made in 8th grade, but I don’t believe in coincidences. Everything happens in divine timing. No one is given a talent by accident. Acting taught me how to feel, express, and step into different versions of myself, skills I still use in my healing and creative work today.

My mother died before she could enjoy her retirement, and that reality sits with me every time I hear someone say they’ll “follow their dreams when they have more time.” A lot of people are out here waiting to chase what they really want, and it’s even worse when they believe they don’t have time to take care of their health. Health should be a top priority; your health affects your family’s health and your ability to work and provide for yourself and the people you love.

This is your reminder that the time is now. Immortality is a joke; none of us knows how long we have here. So honor the dreams that keep tugging at you. Start caring for your health and taking small steps toward your dream life today, while you’re still awake to live it.